Carmageddon
by Arctic Banana
Summary: Apparently Mordecai got his driver's license from a box of Froot Loops...


_So yeah, I just got this game for Christmas, and this game to me is just as addicting as Ratchet and Clank Future: Tools of Destruction was to me last year when I got that one for Christmas. I don't know, I guess I just really love to shoot things. =P_

_Well anyway, I don't like to play this game alone. Despite that horrible splitscreen that makes it impossible to see anything, it's more fun to play with my sister, especially since she gives me ideas like this. See, she can't figure out how to steer the runners for crap. Most of the time she's in one, she's crashing into things or unintentionally mowing my own runner down. Being the better driver, I tend to avenge myself by deliberately sending hers flying. XD There's a bit of role-reversal here though in that I'm the one that plays as Mordecai and she prefers the Siren, Lilith. It just seemed more like a Mordecai thing to do than something Lilith would do, so there you go..._

_Also, I prefer the blue runners. I like to call mine Sheila, after the tank in Red vs. Blue. I also tend to offer her muffins if she comes back to me whenever my sister manages to send her flying when I'm not currently in the driver's seat. Which is often._

_Fun fact: I got the fic title from an old computer game my dad used to play when I was a wee sparkling, back when the Sega Genesis was the shit and the first Playstation was brand spanking new. It's a racing game, the point of which is pretty much just to run over innocent bystanders in your car._

* * *

"Okay…machine gun or rocket launcher?"

"I don't know…uh…machine gun."

"What color?"

"I don't care. Just pick what you like."

"But I don't know what I like. I asked you what you like."

"I don't care what color it is, Mordecai! Just pick something!"

"How about blue?"

"Fine, whatever. Like the color really matters anyway."

"You know on second thought, I did always like black…"

Roland flinched when Lilith suddenly started screaming at Mordecai and glanced over at Brick who was sitting on the rock next to him. "And how long have we been done?" he asked, nodding towards their own runner.

"Ten minutes…" Brick grumbled. "Maybe we should just leave without them. We don't really need their help anyway, you know."

"Alright fine, we'll make it blue! Sheesh!" Mordecai finally gave in, punching a few more buttons on the panel. The second they received their runner, he briefly looked over it before saying, "Huh…maybe I _should_ have made it black instead…"

"Just get in the fucking driver's seat before I eliminate any chance of you ever having kids!" Lilith threatened, aiming her pistol at a lower area. Mordecai shrieked and quickly jumped in.

"Okay, let's see…this pedal's the gas…this one's the brakes…wait, what's this third pedal for?" Mordecai asked as he explored the interior.

"I don't know, Mordecai…" Lilith answered while she climbed into the turret.

"Something tells me we're probably safer somewhere far away from here right now…" Roland stated. "Like maybe in a skag nest…" He and Brick cautiously backed away just in case.

Mordecai stepped on the third pedal to test it out and was thrown back in his seat as the runner shot forward, smashing into the other one and getting stuck on top of it. "Well, I figured out what the third pedal's for…it's the afterburner…"

Lilith was too busy clinging to the turret for dear life to have heard him. "Watch what you're doing! You could have killed us!"

"If we had been in that…dead…" Brick stated, looking at the green runner that was pinned under the blue one.

"Shit…we're stuck…can somebody get over here and push us off?" Mordecai asked when his attempt to back off the other runner ended with only the front tires spinning madly in the air. "Hey! You stop laughing, mister!" he scolded his pet Bloodwing, who was sitting on a nearby perch watching and making a shrieking sound that sounded suspiciously a lot like laughter. He sighed and waited for them to come over and help him, taking note to the position of their vehicles. "You know, I bet this is how new runners are made…"

"Somebody trade with me!" Lilith demanded while Brick and Roland pushed the blue runner off.

"Sorry miss…you're stuck with him," Roland replied after they'd gotten all four tires on the ground.

"Okay, let's try this again…" Mordecai said, backing up slowly. He hit the gas and smashed into a rock. "Oops…" he stated, backing up and flattening a skag pup that had gotten too close out of curiosity. "My bad…" He floored it again and yet again rammed it into the side of the other runner, sending it flying. "Son of a…"

"Scooter's going to revoke your license if he knew what you were doing to his runners…" Brick pointed out, watching his and Roland's runner come crashing down on a rather unfortunate bandit.

"What Scooter doesn't know won't kill me," Mordecai shrugged.

"Let me out! I'll just walk there!" Lilith announced, scrambling down from the turret and quickly running to stand behind Roland and Brick.

"Oh come on, Lilith! My driving isn't that bad!" he countered. "Holy fuck!" he screamed when seconds after he said that, he floored it and ended up flying into a ditch. "Okay…on second thought, let's walk there!" he yelled up to the others.


End file.
